Preparing For
Marriage

Table of Contents

Revision 1 - January 13, 2008

Introduction

FOCCUS Evaluation

Formal Marriage Program

Pre-Nuptial Invetsigation

Planning the Wedding Liturgy

Wedding Ceremony During Mass or Wedding Ceremony Without Mass

Readings & Music

Guest Priest or Minister

Church Decorations

Clothing

Pictures

Gathering of the Wedding Party Before The Wedding

Parking

Offering to Church

To Be Avoided

Rehearsal

Wedding Banns

Marriage License

Registering In Your Parish

Printable Versions

Resources

Introduction

The next few months will be special for the two of you as you prepare for your marriage and to celebrate your wedding liturgy here at St. Joseph Church.  This booklet contains important information that  you will find helpful.   Please read through it carefully.

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FOCCUS Evaluation

(Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding, and Study) This instrument is offered to engaged couples so they can assess their strengths and weaknesses.  Additional requirements and suggestions will be offered by the priest/deacon who helps you prepare for your marriage.

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Formal Marriage Program

It is mandatory that you both participate in a marriage preparation program.  An explanation of different program options may be found by going to the Archdiocese' Office of Laity and Family Life's Marriage Preparation Page. You may choose any one of the listed options that is convenient for you.

It is also mandatory that you both take an introductory course in Natural Family Planning.  Contact (Phone 636-477-1984) for a schedule of class times.

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Pre-Nuptial Investigation

This questionnaire is filled out by the priest or deacon who will witness your marriage ceremony.  Questions concerning family, dates of birth and sacraments received, your freedom to marry, and your positive intentions about a permanent marriage and children will be asked.  This information will be recorded and filed at St. Joseph Parish as a permanent record.

Please note:  You must procure a recent copy (issued not more than six months before the Wedding) of your baptismal record, unless you were baptized at St. Joseph.  An old copy cannot be used.  This copy is necessary for our records and will not be returned.  Write or call the church where you were baptized to request a copy.

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Planning the Wedding Liturgy

• When both parties are Catholic, Mass is usually celebrated.
   

• When one party is Catholic and the other is a Baptized Christian of another faith, you may choose to be married during a Mass or at a ceremony without a Mass.
   

• When one party is Catholic and the other party is not Baptized, a ceremony without Mass is celebrated.

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Readings & Music

• A book will be provided to help you plan the wedding liturgy. You will be able to choose scripture readings and intercessory prayers, etc., thus personalizing the celebration. Please choose readers for the readings and intercessory prayers. Readers do not have to be Catholic.
   

• Music selected must be appropriate for Church use, keeping in mind the Sacrament of Marriage that is being celebrated. No secular music will be allowed. Please check your selections with the priest/deacon before a final decision is made. Participation by all those who are gathered for the wedding is encouraged. We suggest that you choose our parish musician Lisa Silliman. Her fee for weddings is $150 and she may be contacted at 636-887-3489(H) or 314-799-0735(C).

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Guest Priest or Minister

You may wish to invite a guest priest who is a relative or close friend to witness your marriage for you. Usually the priest who will witness your marriage participates in all the preparation.

A guest priest may be invited to concelebrate the Wedding Mass. A guest priest or minister may be invited to participate in the Wedding ceremony. Details should be discussed with the priest/deacon who will witness your marriage.

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Church Decorations

The Church is beautiful in itself. It needs very little additional decoration. Decorations such as flowers, candles, pew bows, banners, etc., may be used within bounds of reason and taste.

If seasonal parish decorations (e.g., Christmas, Easter) are present, please plan your decorations around them since they cannot be easily removed. If pew bows are used, you may not use any kind of adhesive, tape, etc. Do not mar the wood finish. If candles are used, be sure they are designed in such a way that prevents wax from getting onto the furniture or floor.

Please ask the florist to remove all decorations from the Church immediately after the wedding so as not to interfere with other Church services.

An aisle runner is not to be used due to the fact that it could cause tripping and may tear.

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Clothing

Modesty in dress expresses the dignity of women. It is requested that no sheer or low-cut dresses revealing cleavage be worn by anyone in the wedding party out of respect for the House of God and the priest or deacon who will be witnessing the marriage.

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Pictures

• Still pictures may be taken before the wedding, during the wedding, and up to 1 1/2 hours after the scheduled starting time of the wedding (e.g. until 3:30 p.m. for a 2:00 p.m. wedding). Photographers must stay outside the sanctuary (the raised area in the front of the Church). Pictures before and after the wedding are to be taken of the immediate family and wedding party only. These pictures may be taken in front of the sanctuary area. Microphones and furniture are not to be moved under any condition.
   
• A video may be made of the Wedding. The videographer must remain outside the sanctuary area at all times.
   
• There is to be no drinking, eating, smoking or conduct unbecoming of Church during the taking of pictures. Please be sure the entire wedding party and the photographer are aware of this.

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Gathering Of The Wedding Party before the Wedding

We encourage the wedding party to dress at home. The women may gather (and/or dress) before the wedding in the cafeteria. All belongings and all throw away items are to be removed from this area before the wedding begins. The men may gather in the classroom behind the Church using the southeast side entrance.

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Parking

Please advise all those who will be attending the wedding that all vehicles need to be moved off the parking lot immediately after the wedding to free up parking for the next Church event. Vehicles left may be towed.

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Offering to Church

We presume that either the groom, the bride, the groom’s parents, or the bride’s parents are active, registered members of St. Joseph Parish. If you will be spending a considerable sum of money on items such as the reception, flowers, and formal dress, it seems fitting to make a proportional donation to your parish. An offering of $150 is fair and reasonable for those who have consistently given financial support to our parish.

For those who are new to St. Joseph Parish (having registered within the last six months) or who do not currently support the parish financially, we set a basic fee of $500 to cover the cost of the building usage and preparations necessary for the wedding. This must be paid one month in advance

You may also wish to make a personal offering to the priest or deacon who has helped you in preparing, planning and celebrating your wedding liturgy. This would be in addition to, and separate from, the parish offering.

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To be avoided

• Rice, bird seed, flower petals, confetti, and bubbles should not be used anywhere inside or outside the Church. It is dangerous and messy and has no place at a wedding liturgy. You may consider doing this at the reception. The Church is not a place for a parade but a place to pray and reflect as you enter into the Sacrament of Marriage.
   
• Helium-filled balloons are also forbidden. They cause problems when accidentally released in Church or get tangled in the trees or power lines outside of Church.
   
• Drinking of alcoholic beverages anywhere on the premises will not be tolerated. Any person or persons involved will be asked to leave immediately. Please inform your family and wedding party of this so as to avoid any embarrassment on the wedding day.

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Rehearsal

Your rehearsal may be scheduled anytime during the week before the wedding at a time when the Church is available. If you wish the priest/deacon to attend the rehearsal dinner, please be sure you make your wishes known in advance. Last minute invitations are often hard to accept.

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Wedding Banns

Wedding Banns are official Church announcements in which your names are published in the parish bulletin three Sundays prior to the wedding. If you wish this to be done, you will need to contact the parish office in sufficient time to accomplish this.

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Marriage License

You may apply for a Missouri marriage license two to three weeks before the wedding (the license is good for 30 days in the State of Missouri). Please bring the marriage license with you the day of the rehearsal. For information on obtaining a Marriage License, check with the Recorder of Deeds for St. Charles County.

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Registering in your Parish

After you marry and settle in your new home, it is important that you register as a couple in your new parish. This can be accomplished by notifying the parish in which you will reside. We hope that you will become active in your new parish and find that your parish is a spiritual home for you in the days ahead. If you move away from St. Joseph Parish, we invite you to return often. We do enjoy hearing from time to time how you are doing.

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Printable Versions

Download this marriage preparation guide in printable layout:

• Booklet layout (pdf - 39 kb revised Jan. 13, 2008)
   
• Page layout (pdf - 41 kb revised Jan. 13, 2008)

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Resources

• Engaged Encounter of St. Louis website
   
• The Vatican's Pontifical Council for the Family document entitled "Preparing for the Sacrament of Marriage"
   
• FOCCUS website
   
• Office of Laity and Family Life website

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A Wedding
Is a Day...

A Marriage
Is a Lifetime!

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